How could workshop participants NOT come back to finish all my sessions? My ego couldn't handle it.

Disappointed in my retention rate (I had lost 6 people from a class), I had to try something new.

My original format was 50% participant activities and 50% leader activities (translation: me talking half the time). This plan failed, proven by the shrinkage data.

The new plan: after giving participants detailed materials (slides, articles, video clips, checklists, websites, posters and books), I asked each to select one topic which they would prepare and present to the group.

One by one, they took charge. I commented only as needed. Their presentations were distributed evenly over the next seven hours of classes, so they couldn't afford to drop out and let their classmates down.

I lost only one participant from start to finish. And they all came in fired up and more engaged, with their senses on "alert." They teased the presenter of the hour and pretended to be "difficult participants" just to give each other a hard time. The ratio of participants' "doing" time was now 80% to the instructor's 20%.

Two factors created this improvement in retention and engagement:

1.  Accountability. No one wanted to fail in front of his peers. Some felt pressure initially, but once they got started presenting, all the attention was positive and fun.

2.  Engagement. Intellectually stimulated by working on their plans, no one was ever bored or passive. 

They created their own entertainment, which kept them coming back. (So let that be a lesson to you, Janis. Stop talking so much.)

P.S. This works for meetings, too. Never do for your attendees anything they can do themselves.

Paula, a receptionist, decided to add her name when she answered the phone. "Good Morning, XYZ Industries, this is Paula."

For the first time in her nine years, said Paula, customers responded by calling her by name . . . and then offering their names, "Hello there, Paula. This is Jonathan Price. I'm calling to check on my order."

"Thank you, Mr. Price, I'll connect you to Marie Smith."

"But then," Paula said, "something different happened to my feeling about that call. I was more careful to come back to my Mr. Price if Marie hadn't picked up within 30 seconds. When I came back on the line to ask if he wanted to hold longer, Mr. Price called me Paula when he thanked me.

"I now felt more ownership of this customer. If I thought Marie was more likely to respond to voice mail, I went back to Mr. Price and recommended that he leave a voice message. If I thought she might respond more quickly to my page, I paged her. Mr. Prince would say, 'You must know her habits pretty well.' I said, 'Well, I've been here for nine years.' 'That's a long time, is that your hometown?' he asked. We chatted while he waited.

"When Marie passed by my desk, I'd ask: 'Did you talk with Jonathan Price?' If she said no, I'd light a fire under her to call him.

"Suddenly, Jonathan Price had become my customer as well as my company's. I like that feeling. I feel I'm getting to know these customers a bit, even though we'll never meet.

"And it all started when I simply introduced myself with one little word. My amazing name."

(Paula is pictured in the center above wearing sunglasses.)

"What made it so motivating?" I wondered.

"He listened to what I wanted to talk about, never told me a better way I could've handled something, or changed the subject. I'm sure he had things to cover with me, but he just listened. And listened. And listened."

Ryan may have had no idea how much his listening meant to Sara. Listening sounds easy, but it's not. It's hard . . . hard not to give advice, or insert "That reminds me of . . ."

Listening is tricky. Sometimes Person A will attempt to show interest in what Person B is saying by relating his or her own similar experience. This often fails because Person A gets wrapped up in his or her own story and does most of the talking. As time passes, the two are likely to be interrupted by another person or a phone call, and the conversation never gets back to Person B.

I always wonder: did Person A realize what just happened? (Person B did.)

Back to Sara and Ryan. What made their lunch hour work so well?

- The setting: OUT to lunch (no interruptions)

- Ryan could have used the time for his own agenda, but resisted, keeping his mouth firmly shut.

Good listening is so rare that it makes a striking impression on us. And finding a good listener is like striking gold.

P.S. Every search I did to find "listening" images for this article turned up only headphones or ear buds. Says something, doesn't it?

During March and April, I offer you a cost-effective Leadership Analysis (my travel expenses to your location plus $200.00) that will help you bring your struggling leaders nearer the performance level of your highest performers.

Here's how Leadership Analysis works:

I will:

1.  Conduct behavioral interviews with 3 of your high-performing leaders and 3 leaders who have potential

2.  Identify pinpointed concrete success skills

3.  Send you written recommendations for development, including coaching actions you can take without a consultant

4. Provide written feedback to you for giving to the 6 participants

If you'd like to explore this idea to see if it may benefit your organization, please email janisallen@janisallen.com or call me at 828.862.6552.

Resolution # 1

“Recalculating . . .” said our vehicle’s GPS voice, gently, when we took a wrong turn.

The word “recalculating” is symbolic. When we fail to meet our goals, we don’t have to pronounce ourselves or others to be failures.

Using the "recalculate" idea puts us in a solving frame of mind, rather than shaming frame of mind.

We see it as making a new, adjusted plan when the first one fails or we goof in our attempt to carry it out.

Resolution # 2

When our colleagues make mistakes, we can adopt either of two opposite responses:

a.     “Gotcha,” shining the light of blame,

or as my colleague, Rachael Caldwell, says:

b.     “Gotcha covered!” as we spring into action to help git ‘er done.

Have a happy, recalculating, gotcha covered New Year.

My former boss told me that his boss, the General Manager, said "I’m not sure Janis understands how serious our problems are in the plants. She looks so cheerful all the time."

That stung!

My image of the nearly-perfect me was crushed. But this made me realize that I should be getting down to business much more quickly, helping supervisors get quality projects in place. The chit-chat and glad-handing would have to go.

From two centuries earlier, Robert Burns’ poem, "To A Louse" proved instructive to my current embarrassment. The young poet’s sighting, sitting in a church pew, of a louse crawling on the hair of the young woman in the pew in front of him, inspired his poetic lesson that we cannot see "behind us" or see those ugly things that might be crawling on us. Like head lice!

The last verse of Burns’ classic composition (in Old English) reads

"O wad some powr the giftie gie us

To see oursels as ithers see us!"

The information my boss had shared with me about my business style was the giftie. A gift of GOLD.

Though it stung like a louse biting my ego, and initially made me feel lousy, it enabled me to choose to make visible and real changes in my work habits. Gold.

Now . . . what else are my colleagues noticing . . . that I need to find out?

As Burns’ next line reads (in new English)

"It would from many a blunder free us"

(To see ourselves as others see us).

Hmm, better ask them!

If it’s criticism, it’s not constructive.

A client fired me, explaining, "You’re not asking the hard questions!"                   

          Criticism: the act of passing severe judgment; censure; faultfinding

             Constructive: promoting further development or advancement

Here’s the litmus test for "constructive" – When I walk away, will she know exactly what to do?

Here’s how to correct others’ incorrect actions, and help them onto the right path:

1.  Focus on what you want (speak in future tense) rather than on what the person did wrong (past tense). For example, "David, I want you to be here and ready for work at 8:00," rather than "David, you’ve been late too much."

2.  Be excruciatingly specific. "Michelle, I want you to email 100% of your day’s patient records to me before you leave work," rather than "Michelle, you know how important it is to update records on a timely basis."

3.  Ask a question if the person’s failure to perform is not the norm for him: "John, it’s unusual for you to miss something like this. Is something happening that I don’t know about?" Not: "What happened here?!" 

We wish the problem would heal itself, but magic like this happens only rarely. Address it constructively. The other person will know exactly what to do, and will likely do it.

Now, on a lighter note: 
"Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes."

                                                                                  – Jack Handey, American Humorist

1.  "What can I do to help you today?"

This is the first question Rinda Green asks each of her employees and contractors as she walks into work each morning, still laden with her briefcase and tote bag.

When she asks that question, she means it. When I tell her a task I need help with, she does that first – before she checks her own messages. Most of the time, what I need from her is information or a decision. But sometimes it’s to make copies or unlock the doors to greet arriving meeting attendees. She does the tasks I request and then moves to the next person.

You may be thinking, "If I did that with my staff or co-workers, that’s what I’d be doing all day – my work would never get done." Rinda seems to hit that sweet spot of performing quick actions and then moving along, taking 10 minutes or less to cover our whole group.

Since we all see and appreciate what she’s doing (and know how busy she is), we’re very selective about asking. Often we say, "Nothing right now, but you’re thoughtful to ask."

2.   Other times, she’ll casually ask, "What are your priorities today?"

This is a triple-duty question. It can be a way for her to keep informed, a gentle nudge to keep me focused, or to help me feel that my work is important. Any or all of these reasons are good ones, and I like giving her my answer.

3.   During project planning or problem-solving, Rinda’s frequent question is "How do you want to do this?"

Then she shuts up and listens to my ideas. Eighty percent of the time, she agrees with what I suggest and wraps up with the discussion with, "What can I do to help you as you get started?" I take that as a signal that she needs to move on to another task, and I make a quick exit. But I appreciate the gentleness of her signal, which is genuinely an offer to spend more time with me if I need it.

These three methods of managing are a model for me. I find myself going to co-workers or to Rinda to ask, "What can I do to help you today?" It’s contagious.

Oxymoron (ok´si mor´on), n.

1.  an expression or figure of speech that combines contradictory words

2.  from the Greek, oxymoros, [oxy- sharp + moros dull]

Briefly linger over these oxymorons below for some serious fun during your work break.

1.  Non-stop flight

2.  Original copy

3.  Go ahead, back up

4.  Small crowd

5.  Down escalator

6.  He turned up missing

7.  Civil engineer

8.  Good grief

9.  Hot water heater

10. Home office

11. Easy problem

I invite you to comment below to share your favorite (not your least favorite). Oops, there’s another one!